Know What Makes "You" and Breaks "You"

I am a physically, intellectually self-sufficient individual who is emotionally needy. Don’t judge me as yet… I never said I was modest! I am very proud of my little achievements, and the faith I have in myself. My rigid conviction and perseverance are like a massive iceberg, and there has not been anything so far that has been able to break through it.

The utmost desire to achieve my goals and the strong will power that fuels these desires have helped me accomplish my little achievements, and kept me from not falling off the wagon. Nutrition and water can only help so much; it is the undying determination that will take you beyond your own imagination, and help push your body beyond limits. I am my own companion on the trail, but I would not be able to help myself, and keep myself motivated without the entities that push me, support me, and of course question me. They have not been mutually exclusive, and the fact that they coexisted is precisely what helped me.

People who have pushed me are like the thrust that propels a rocket, pushes it and takes it to a whole new world, getting it to explore new territories. These are the people who have encouraged me to adopt new challenges, and have reminded me time and again not to be complacent with my existing feats, and to aim for the stars. They did not preach, instead I learnt through their experiences. They have done the same in their own lives; may not be running in particular, but in activities that they are passionate about. Pushing the limits way too soon without steadily building up to it gets one crashing down faster. Who wants to be that rocket that did not enter space, and returned without accomplishing the great feat! This is exactly when the supporting pillars come into the picture.

My pillars have always stood by me, for me. They are the people who have believed in me always. They have had this immense belief in me, and my potential even when I have been pessimistic about the path ahead. It is almost like as if their support is married to my feelings, where they have promised to be true to me in sickness, and in health. They are my pillars of strength that I lean on to, who are my fuel that keep me running. I doubt if I would have been consistent at running as an exercise for it to nurture into a passion but for these amazing pillars of strength and support. I have learnt to appreciate my support system to this extent only because there exists a class of cynics.

They are almost the opposite of the pillars, but not quite completely. They have laughed at me when I first told them I was running a 10k. In hindsight, I think they visualized me rolling like a bag of potatoes, and could never imagine me run. I have had people tell me that I am in no way close to being able to run a marathon, and that I am not in a “race shape”. I do not judge them, because they have already done their part of judging me, and my body. It instilled the flame in me to do better every passing day. They are not the reason I run, but they are the reason I do not doubt myself, because yet again they do that job effectively. There are some cynics who have converted to being neutral, and I am positive it is just that they do not voice their negativity anymore, fearing defeat at the end of the road.

The classification does not end there. There will always be entities that cannot be classified. There are people out there who watch your progress, very quietly, happy for you, and are inspired in some little way by you. Thinking about these silent observers time and again has helped me calm down, pace myself better at things that I do, and at the track as well. A friend who never said anything about my running and my passion told me these words when I was upset about an injury, “I have never told you this, I respect you for what you do. I cannot do what you do, and it is amazing that you are so passionate.” It changed the way I started looking at the people who silently adore me for my little achievements and passion. These entities made me realize experience of any kind is a teacher for all! I believe it is also important to acknowledge that there are some people right next to you who are spirit dampers. Some aim to be one, and some unconsciously take up that role in your life. They are there for you, but in a very different way. They have been the hardest to identify personally. I have easily mistaken them for my support system, and when you do realize their true self, you tend to lose a part of your confidence. They are concerned for you and your progress, but make you feel bad, and pull you down when you are not in a good place. They doubt your abilities, make you weak and make you believe that you will not be able to achieve something because you have perceived them as your support system, and your mind is not able to differentiate amidst handling a crisis. It might take a while to identify the people who play that role in your life, but it is just as important as knowing your support system because these are the people who will break you when you are not in that happy peak.

To be good at what you do, skill is important but knowing what makes you and breaks you will take you that extra mile, and help you handle tough situations better. Your own mind plays all these different roles, and it is in turn nothing but a product of your own environment.

This is my ode all those people in my life who have pushed me to do better, supported me through my efforts to run, and keep up with races at the hardest of times. I would never forget to thank the ones who have questioned my capability and thought I could not do what I do today, they share a piece of my accomplishments as well.